"thus far the Lord has helped us."
In December of 2017 I weighed more than I had at the end of any of my five pregnancy's. The year had been heavy. I ran fast and hard the first few years after Mike died - Rebuilding Hanco Exterminating, moving the bookstore across the street, seeing Seanan through heart surgery, and getting my house in order. Then came that last year. What now? Everything seemed to be falling into place yet he still was missing. Still gone. I crawled under the wing of the Lord and hibernated. I needed rest. I needed to hide for a while. As 2017 came to a close I felt God nudging me. He had sheltered me during my rest but now it was time to climb on top of that wing again and soar with Him. If I wanted Him to move in my life and send me into a new future I needed to be ready. He told me to concentrate on my health. So I did and rediscovered an old habit of mine, fasting. Instead of full fasts I decided upon intermitten fasting. From January 2018 to now I have fasted all but one meal a day for five days a week with the exception of three weeks sprinkled throughout. As a bonus to being healthy again, I'm now within 2% of my perfect mass body index.
Late into the night on July 12th I noticed an indention in my right breast when I raised my arm. (To my guy buddies, I'm sorry you just read that, but my girlfriends need to know how this happened!) I texted my cousin and asked him to pray and ask the Lord for a word for me. I didn't give him any indication what it was in reference to. He said okay and an hour later texted me Job 22:21 - "Yield now and be at peace with Him; Thereby good will come to you." The first version I read of that verse said prosperous instead of good. Anyone that has ever talked to me about Bible study before knows I'm a nerd for word study, so I looked the verse up in the NASB. Prosperous changed to good - so I looked up the Hebrew root for good...and there it was, a few definitions down was the word BENIGN! I was holding onto that verse with everything I had! The Lord was speaking to me in my love language and I was listening!
The next morning I called a friend who just happens to be married to the local OBGYN. He saw me that day and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. Four days later I went in for the tests and they discovered a suspicious lymph node. I spent the next seven days holding onto the Job verse. I kept hearing a whisper though that benign did not mean what I thought it meant. I waved that whisper away and worked on convincing myself that that was just negative thinking. Then there was a day when I clearly heard God say "Yes, you have it, Yes, you are going to live, Yes, you have to walk through this." I ran in fear when He said that to me and I'll save that story for a later day, but He told me and that's important to share now.
Benign - (of a disease) not harmful in effect: in particular, (of a tumor) not malignant.
Malignant - (of a disease) very virulent or infectious
This cancer will not be harmful to me, it will not be very infectious.
I had a core needle biopsy of both the lump in my breast and the lymph node. The surgeon told me on the ultrasound table it was going to test positive for cancer. He stressed chemotherapy be started ASAP. Eighteen or so hours later I flew to Albania, if bad news was coming my way I was at least going to be doing the work the Lord had made for me when I got it. Before my first sleep there I heard the results. I have breast cancer.
Yield - to be of service. It does not mean what we think it means, to give in, to allow. It means to be of service - to Him!
I was in Albania when I got the call...I was there being of service to Him!
Once I got home I left for the Cancer Center of America three days later. Never in my life have I been more terrified. All the doctors and everything I read kept emphasizing that once it was in the lymph nodes it was on a super highway to the rest of my body. Last week I had blood work labs, CT scans, bone scans, MRI's - I was even radioactive for 24 hours. I kept thinking if I didn't have cancer before I got there I was going to have it by the time I left from all the stuff they kept injecting in me. I prayed during those test, I praised Him in those machines, and I held on to the Job verse and that He had told me ahead of the doctors and had said that I was gong to live. I knew the only way to combat my fear was to be in His word but I didn't know where to read. I felt paralyzed. Then through something the Chaplain said I knew I was being prompted to read in Samuel, so I did - and there it was. 1 Samuel 7:12 says "thus far the Lord has helped us." That hangs on a hand-painted sign in my kitchen. A sweet friend made it for us the week Mike died after the Lord spoke it to another dear friend. The Lord HAD helped us and IS helping us and there was no reason to think he WILL stop HELPing US!
My tests showed His truth. The cancer is only in my breast and two lymph nodes! Chemotherapy, a mastectomy and radiation are the road map for this journey - and I'll gratefully take that journey, holding His hand. The Lord still has work for me to do for Him, and I accept it.
While at CTCA my blood work all showed to be great levels. I explained to some of the doctors that I had been intermittent fasting. I also found studies and articles on the benefits of I.F. while on chemo. The combined two seem like a magic combination for helping your body cope. The naturopath that I met with at CTCA was in full agreement and shared that most patients have no interest in taking that route. I had been taking that route for almost eight months! The Lord had protected me all year - maybe that's why the cancer hadn't spread, who knows - but clearly He had been conditioning me for this season! He had spoken to me and I had listened and obeyed, thank you Jesus!
Next stop on my journey is a phone call on Monday from my oncologist to let me know when I start chemotherapy. I'm taking the Lords hand and asking Him to lead the way, I'll do this and be of service to Him and He will make things good.