Things I Know
These two and I have walked lifes journey together for almost forty out of our forty-four years. From kindergartners to rebelling teens and at present middle age women - from marriages, babies, divorces, deaths, and now cancer we’ll continue to walk it arm and arm!
Friday I go in for the fourth round of this particular chemotherapy cocktail, then I have four rounds of another kind before surgery and then five weeks of radiation. I’m not going to sugar coat this, it’s been tough, tougher than I thought it would be. It’s the hardest physical challenge I’ve had in my life.
Everything I read tells me that the chemo effects everyone differently. They call them side effects but theres no “side” to it. They are everywhere - your mouth erupts in painful sores, your bones ache as if they are healing from breaks, taste buds disappear, your digestive track no longer knows how to digest so it either works too fast or too slow causing painful other problems, hair follicles just jump ship and go on strike until the game is over, and for me headaches. Headaches that stop you from doing anything other than - well, breathing.
But! AFTER this Friday, I move on to a new drug, Taxol. I’ll get through one more round of Adriamycin, the one dubbed “The Red Devil” and Cyclophosphamide and then we get to see how I respond to the next four rounds. I’ve been told that most have fewer problems on Taxol, so lets all pray that be the case for me as well!
On the days when it feels too hard I’ve had to keep reminding myself of the things I know. The things that are real and not a fleeting thought in a moment of despair. The things I know are solid, they are black and white and they can squish the lies that try to filter into my thinking.
I know God has me in His hands…
He directed me at the start of the year to get healthier.
He gave me a specific verse as a word from Him that I will survive this.
He told me before the doctor did that I had cancer, even though I tried to convince myself I heard Him wrong.
His timing is perfect and He timed when and where I would be when I got the diagnoses call so that He could speak to me through it.
I asked Him, as an assurance, to have things show up on my calendar that would give Him glory and He did.
He has spoken to me and shown me things continuously to remind me that He has plans on this earth for me.
He has gone before my paperwork at the Cancer Center and assured my care would be given there.
He has used His body, both local and far, to provide needs for my family.
As I go into Round #4, I’ll be looking back on this list and remembering that this too is a season that will pass.